May I Tell Him He’s Wrong?

Wednesday’s email from Tyler Verlander:

Question… see the email below.
He called me a couple weeks ago after picking my name out of the directory and was asking me about PowerCore. Said he was a member of another organization, but was looking to get out as he didn’t like it anymore, didn’t think it was effective for his business.
(I see now… why that would be a red flag for me).  I thought we had a good chat, he asked many good questions. And then… he asked how I handle credit card processing for my business.

I said “I don’t. I only accept check or cash”…. “REALLY??”… “Yes, it works for me and I do not intend on changing any time soon, Thank You”. 

He visited our Team …. and yesterday I get this email:

I wanted to thank you for making me your visitor at the meeting a few days
ago. I was hoping to get together to discuss how we could help refer to
each other since my specialty is in your industry. I know you only
accept checks or cash at this point but more and more a growing business
should accept all methods, especially in yours where the industry is
growing so quickly.

So… my question is…  may I please respond back with something along the lines of…

“I find it inappropriate to contact me about a group and then try to sell me your services, then follow up with an email insulting me by trying to shame me into buying your product.” 

May I, please?

Tyler! Thanks for sharing the laugh!   (Makes me think of this – 0:24)
I’ve got three things for you.
1: Good catch on the flag. You’ll recognize it next time. That’s the definition of intelligence: the ability to recognize patterns.
2: You could respond – but it wouldn’t make a difference, to anyone – even you.
3: Here’s why you don’t need to feel like you should respond:

Bulls-eye Networking gives a mental model.

There are six levels to people relationships.6, 4 and 2-layered pyramid shapes. Vector.

  • the first is Graze – as in “drive-by networking”.
  • second is Grin – I know I’ve met you, but I don’t remember your name.
  • third is Greet – I know your name.
  • fourth is Generator – when a client asks about your industry, I refer to you.
  • fifth is GateOpener – I don’t wait for a client to ask, I insert you into conversations.
  • sixth is Guardian – I care enough about you to tell you the hard thing, even though it may risk our relationship.

This guy is at Graze. He just stuck his head out the window and started shooting, hoping to hit something, and you got grazed. Sorry about that.

You don’t owe him a response or explanation at the Graze level, and since you’re not a Guardian, he wouldn’t accept it.

Example: Justin has a Team Member he can’t refer to for a changeable reason.
Just for fun, let’s say the changeable reason is the Member’s out-of-state area code.
Justin’s client’s definition of professional credibility includes a local phone number.

Side note:  there are lots of reasons
for this type of referral buster:
a gmail address instead of a domain name,
wearing flip-flops to the meeting,
texting during the meeting,

frayed cuffs, bad breath.

Justin’s question is the same as yours:
does he need to have a conversation with the Member to explain why he can’t refer and suggest the Member get a free Google phone number and new business cards.

Important question: where is Justin on this Member’s bulls-eye?
If he’s not at Guardian, no.

The result?
Justin will pass fewer referrals to this Member than he recognizes.

The responsibility?
Not on Justin. And not on you.

The real question:
have I cultivated enough Guardians?
Are there people in my life willing to tell me when my behavior isn’t supporting me?

One Response to May I Tell Him He’s Wrong?
  1. Thomas Schlosser
    January 16, 2017 | 2:02 pm

    I can agree that the merchant is at the graze level and so maybe in his case she doesn’t say anything, but I think that Justin’s scenario should be handled differently. There are fundamentals & stages to team development; the simplest flow I’ve see on this names the stages, forming, storming, norming, performing. At some stage (usually the storming phase) there has to be conflict and (it doesn’t have to be HUGE but) from that both parties grow. You say ‘I care enough about you to tell you the hard things, even though it may risk our relationship,’ but it can be hard to judge if a relationship is there and if this singular thing is worth mentioning. So back to the 1st case; will the guy stop calling her if she responds with what she wants, if so, isn’t that a win? If not, but that helps him change his behavior doesn’t everyone get the same result?

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